The debut

Hello and welcome,

First of all, I would like to congratulate you for reading this. That was an excellent decision. Your day has automatically improved by at least 1% — or at least, I hope it has.

This newsletter aims to deliver a quick burst of humour to lighten up your day each week. I will also give people on my mailing list early access and offers for my comedy shows as and when they arise. Let’s get to it:

A very important thought

Why do TV shows like The Apprentice show footage of contestants in future episodes in the intro sequence? Surely that gives away spoilers about who will not be eliminated in the episode you are about to watch?

Presumably, they do it to create interest for the entire season. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never watched episode one of The Apprentice and thought ‘cor blimey, that first episode was crap but that seven-second b-roll footage of the candidates sourcing a rare saucepan from a coastal town in the task where they have to buy random items for the cheapest price in a future episode looked incredible. I’m officially locked in until then.’

If the first episode isn’t capturing people’s interest, showing us clips of candidates carrying out future tasks in other episodes is not moving the needle. But then again, I doubt there are too many other nerds like me who watch every season of The Apprentice and take issue with it like I do, so it’s unlikely to change.

I say all of this to say, I do not like spoilers. I have blocked family members on WhatsApp who ‘accidentally’ told me what happened in EastEnders the following week. With that in mind, each week, I will post a media recommendation with as little information as possible for that very reason.

Spoiler-free media recommendation

Match report

I review all of my gigs as football scores. Here’s a nerdy insightful breakdown of a gig.

Location: Angel

Score: 3-1 win

I gave a bunch of new players (new jokes) their debut. The club’s chairman called me into his office the day before to warn me about giving players (new jokes) a first-team appearance before they were ready (I was 50/50 about some of these jokes working). He kept referring to himself in the third-person and it was beginning to annoy me, so I told the chairman to p**s off and mind his own business. I didn’t really, I agreed like the yes-man I am and politely walked out of his office.

I conceded a goal because a few of the jokes didn’t generate the level of laughter required. But on the plus side, one of the other new players (new jokes) had an evening to remember.

When he scored, he decided to celebrate by running over the touchline and shrugging his shoulders in front of me, as if to suggest that I am a fool who doesn’t know what he’s doing (I wrote the joke a little while back but didn’t say it for the first time until recently). He looked like a twat doing that silly little celebration but to be fair to him, he scored a decent goal (the joke worked), so I let him have his moment.

Content I made for you to consume (or not consume, to be fair, it’s completely up to you)

ajay_rose

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A quick bit of motivation

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in, day out”

Every day last week I had two slices of toast with butter and Nutella. You might think the butter isn’t needed here but trust me, it is. It adds an element of je nais se quoi that I just can’t quite put into words. Based on the quote above, last week wasn’t too bad.

Thanks for reading and hopefully I’ll see you back here again next Tuesday.

Ajay