A questionable payment

Hello,

If you are reading this it means you thought the first newsletter was decent enough to read again, and for that I am grateful. If you are a new subscriber, then I guess there’s a lot of pressure riding on these next few paragraphs. Let’s hope I can deliver.

A very important thought

I’m going to keep it real with you lot. I hit a new low recently. I play this game on my iPhone called Royal Match. It’s similar to Candy Crush. If I told you what level I’m on, you would have a lot of questions (I’m on level 877).

I ran out of lives and I ended up paying £2.99 for five more. And I still failed to complete the level. I paid for a first-class ticket to Nerdville, paid for extra lives and left that s**t show of a scenario with f**k all to show for it.

I don’t know what’s worse, spending real money paying for extra lives on an iPhone game or failing to complete the level. Either way, that’s a big L. What an embarrassment.

Spoiler-free media recommendation

I don’t like spoilers, but you might be one of those people who do, so here is the trailer. It’s available to watch on Amazon Prime for free. Or at least it was when I watched it.

Match report

I review all of my gigs as football scores. Here’s a nerdy insightful breakdown of a gig.

Location: Stratford

Score: 4-2

We started strong and took an early 2-0 lead (the first few jokes got a good response). But then out of nowhere, one of my new signings that the fans told me to use (a new joke I was on the fence about), attempted a pass to the goalkeeper that fell short and the other team pulled one back (the new joke didn’t generate the level of laughter I was looking for). Half-time arrived and the score was tied at 2-2 after another joke didn’t quite go to plan.

My new signing (new joke) was down in the dumps. I gave him a pep talk and told him “The most important moment is not the one that has just passed, but the one that lies ahead”. He said he appreciated that I was trying to motivate him but thought that quote was a little corny. So I said, “Respectfully, this conversation has gone off on a tangent about the quality of my motivational quotes that I do not care for. Let’s just park this weird convo right here and focus on the football.”

A few late goals from proven performers (tried and tested jokes) helped us leave a chilly night in East London with three valuable points.

Content I made for you to consume (or not consume, to be fair, it’s completely up to you)

ajay_rose

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A quick bit of motivation

“Don’t fear your uniqueness, fear being the same”

Someone told me about this quote, and then I loaded up Instagram and saw the exact same quote again. So now, if I tell someone else “don’t fear your uniqueness, fear being the same”, then I will have become the exact thing that quote told me to avoid becoming.

I told this joke, pretty much word-for-word as I wrote it in that last paragraph, at a gig recently. Do you know how many people laughed? Zero. Lol.

The worst thing is, I was 90% certain this was a bad joke when I wrote it. In hindsight, it’s not even a joke. At best, it’s a mildly funny Tweet, but I thought f**k it, let’s give it a try, you never know. Well, now I know. I ain’t saying that s**t again.

Before I sign off, help me settle a debate that occurred off the back of what I wrote in last week’s newsletter:

I’ll be back next Tuesday.

Ajay